Disclaimer: This is a jumbled mess of thoughts and emotions. I will probably disagree with half of the stuff I wrote about in the morning, but hey, that's a woman's brain for ya!
I spend a lot of time by myself (because I live by myself, not because I'm a loner. Well, i am a loner, but I interact with people pretty regularly) and so I have a lot of time to think. I think about people and cities and decisions and emotions and society and all sorts of things. Not politics or violence or war. Those things confuse me and/or bring me down so I save those thoughts for when there's someone around who can explain it to me.
Anyway, although I am a loner and apparently an airhead (don't worry, I know you were thinking it too), I still think about a lot of other important things. Priorities. That's a big one. Just about every day I find myself readjusting my list of priorities. What really matters to me today? Last week, during my voice lesson, my teacher said "You have to decide if this is something you're serious about; if voice is something you really want to pursue."
Obviously I want to pursue voice. I wouldn't be coming to lessons every week just to waste our time and my parents' money. I'm not trying to make excuses, but I live in an apartment building and I'm not sure that my neighbors really enjoy me singing (or trying to sing) opera at 11 PM. It's difficult sometimes to practice. Anyway, voice IS important to me. So I pushed it closer to the top of my list and found a different place to practice, which worked out great. Priorities.
Today I was riding the bus home from the gym and an older, rough-looking man was intoxicated to some measure and was hitting on all of the young girls on the bus. The bus driver wasn't doing anything. Fortunately I was sitting next to a young man about my age and Mr. Intoxication assumed that he was my boyfriend. So his flirting session with me didn't last long. Nevertheless, I got off at the next stop, even though it was 11 PM and grabbed a taxi.
I was talking to the cabbie and was telling him why I asked him to drive me 5 blocks. "Sorry. I know we're really close to my address. I was on the bus but there was a bit of a situation." Of course my cabbie asked what happened and I told him. "But I have common sense...and pepper spray, so I'm always alright." He laughed at me and said "That's all you need."
Anyway, safety is a priority of mine.
Here's another late night thought that's been gracing my mind recently: I am absolutely falling in love with Chicago. I love living here with absolutely everything within me. The first two months or so were pretty bad. I was sad. A lot. I really didn't have any friends (still working on that), I wasn't connected into anything really. I would just work and then go back to my apartment.
But now I'm involved in a church, in a bible study, attending a college group, working out with a PT at the gym, working, hanging out with my sister, AND staying up on New Girl. My life is exploding with excitement. Well, more than it was a couple of months ago.
And I've just become so comfortable here. I finally got my apartment arranged perfectly. I can now get the girls' stroller in here with ease! It's just cozy here. My toilet doesn't work perfectly and my faucet is leaky sometimes, but it's my home.
I have a great hate/love relationship with the CTA, as all chicagolanders should and do.
Anyway, it's hard to leave this city. But I have to just take my emotions and my decisions one day at a time. I would love to stay here, but the smartest decision for me right now and for me in the future is to go back to Missouri Western and finish out my schooling there. I will probably move back here again someday, though.
The fact that a creep-o on the bus squeezed himself into my bubble and hit on me tonight and yet I still love this city tells me a lot.
And in all of that, I am still extremely excited to return back to KC. There are so many people there that I love and can not wait to be near again. Distance sucks.
So, I guess I'll end with that. Distance sucks.
Goodnight.
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