November 2nd: The Announcement.

I have learned a lot in these few months in Chicago. I have grown and changed and become more adult and less teenager. That’s inevitable, I suppose, and it became real when I got my first electricity bill which came with a fee because I never got my first month’s bill. There hasn’t been one day that I have left my apartment with a light on. I understand electricity now.

There are a lot of things that I understand more now. The first time I went back to my parents’ house, I was amazed at how much silverware they have. Silverware. There’s something I never thought I took for granted. And, another thing, another obvious thing, their house is huge. My apartment is half of the size of my old bedroom. The one I thought was small. And my apartment includes a kitchen, closet, and a bathroom. What was I thinking?

I have a different perspective now. I just had a conversation with my mom and I used the word “compensation”. That’s a first. I’m just more adult and less teenager. And really, I have to be. I have to take care of myself and plan out a budget and stick to that budget, because as much fun as it is to run out of money (which I have), I would much rather stick to a budget than hit $1.65 in my bank account and literally have nothing to eat in my apartment. (Thank the Lord for my sister, though.)

I was looking at Kate the other day and I realized something. As much as I absolutely love her, as much as I would move five hundred miles away for her, and as much as missing out on her life scares me, I realized something. I am going back to school because, like my fabulous budgets that help me to stay not broke, in order to not run out of options, planning is important. I have thought for so long, “What if the world ends and I’ve spent all my time in school?” That thought numbs me. Absolutely numbs me from head to toe. “I should travel the world and experience new things!” I tell myself. But I looked at Kate the other day and I figured it out. I know what matters. It’s not about where you are or what degree you’re chasing or how close you are to your nieces that matters. It’s what you do with the time you have where you are.

I am figuring out what’s important to me. I am really lacking a social life, but the world keeps spinning, so I’m not too concerned. I’m studying Spanish again and listening to opera just about every chance I get. I’m working hard at my schoolwork and becoming friends with the guys who work at Starbucks. I am happy.

So while I’m here, while I’m in Chicago, I am loving every single moment that I have. I am snuggling with the girls when they want to snuggle and I am jumping around their room with them when they want to jump around their room. These are moments that I will never get back. And I am treasuring them. I am treasuring every single moment I have here.

And I think that’s what really hit me, when I looked at Kate. Because I looked at her and my heart got sad and I started to think about how much I will miss her when I move. I will miss her giggles and her temper tantrums and how she brings my shoes to me when she wants to go to the park. But while I am here, I am treasuring it all.

That’s what Chicago has taught me. I treasure electricity and the ability to pay my bill. I treasure silverware. I treasure the ability to spend time on what I’m passionate about. I treasure my nieces. And when I go back to Missouri Western in the spring, I will treasure every moment I have there.

Life is short and I have no idea when my life is going to end. And even though my heart says, “Kristen! Life is short! Go travel and do whatever your heart desires,” I have to be responsible. I have to budget. I have the time that I have and I will spend it wisely. I will plan for the future, however, I will cherish every single thing I can afford to spend my time on in this moment.

So if I can develop honest, healthy relationships with people who care about me and invest myself in things that I am passionate about, at least I’m on the right track.